There is a song we sing during worship that's called I am not skilled to understand. I am not sure who it's by or when it was written, but it has been stuck in my head for the last 2+ months. Let me explain:
Two months, 13 days and one minute ago I watched as my son was born. Okay, so I did more than just watch, but he came into this world a bright red ball of energy. In that moment I had a much greater understanding for the sacrifice God made in sending us His Son, and I know I have only a small comprehension of what that was like, but this is what I know.
I know that after Malachi was born I felt no pain (a mixture of pain meds and euphoria) and only had eyes for my baby boy. I couldn't comprehend giving him away, much less sending him to die for anyone - especially those that would not appreciate the gesture and would eventually deny it ever happened... It breaks my heart every time I look at him to think that I could have ever taken our Father's love for granted, or that I still sin against Him...
When people say that you will not know love until you have kids, they are both very wrong and very right. I love my husband with all my heart, and yet I love my lil' boy with all my heart. But though both loves are very consuming and deep, they are very different types of love entirely.
My love for my son further helps me have a .001% chance of understanding His sacrifice for us - however even that is an exageration...
"I am not skilled to understand
What God hath willed, what God hath planned;
I only know that at His right hand
Is One Who is my Savior!"
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